on my mind

About 1 month into our marriage I awoke from a vividly terrifying dream with tears streaming down my face. I think it was the worst dream I have ever experienced and it will be one of those dreams that I never forget.

Let me start by giving you a little back ground on the subject.

Anyone who knew me as a child knows that I have always been the motherly type. Half of the pictures from my childhood involved my holding a baby, stuffed animal, doll, or caring for some sort of animal. Even when I was too young to stay home by myself, I enjoyed helping others care for babies. Once I was able I started babysitting on my own, I enjoyed watching countless children. I got a job at a Day Care and loved every day of it. Even though I had to quit when I moved here, I still miss those kids along with the special little ones that I babysat.

I have always known without a shadow of a doubt that I was meant to be a mom. You know when you are in grade school and everyone writes a paper on what you want to be when you grow up? Some say a teacher, some say a police man, some say an athlete.... well I wanted to be a mom. Others may have giggled at my grown up answer, but I never doubted that that was exactly what I wanted.

My husband and I have been married for just over 3 months now {yey!!} and {while as a kid I planned on already having a baby by now}, we are not planning on having one quite yet. We would love to enjoy our time together as a married couple and not to mention save up our pennies, cuz my goodness they are pricey little bundles of joy.

So anyway, 1 month into our marriage I awoke from a vivid, terrifying, tragic dream. Everything was as real as I have ever felt and there was no one that could have convinced me in that moment that this life was not my own. So here was my dream:

I just stated a new job and was happily learning all there was to my new position {not unlike where I am now in my real life}. I am keeping track of my "monthly cycle"  by a method that allows me to not be on any sort of birth control medication. I will not go into details, but if you want them just send me an e-mail or ask, I am so open about that sort of thing.

One really nice thing about this method of keeping track of my monthly cycle is how when we do get pregnant I will be able to know even before I take a pregnancy test. Well, it turns out an unexpected little peanut started growing and I was shocked. Totally totally shocked! It was not in our plans and I didn't really know how to tell my hubby. We had talked about waiting, but this was not planned. Of course I was excited, but for a short moment I was sort of sad that this wasn't a part of my plans. We live in a 1-bedroom apartment and there is no space for a baby. Contrary to what my husband thinks, we can't just put the bassinet in the closet and call it good.

After the shock wore off, we began to get more & more excited. Of course the Lord was opening doors and things were working out perfectly. Once we told our families there was nothing but excitement along with million of hugs as they expressed how wonderful being a parent is. My dad cried, my sister expressed how she was going to rock at being a godmother.

Brian and I couldn't have been more excited as we counted down the days till our little girl would grace us with her presence. And all in one day our happiness came crashing down.

I think you can imagine what happened next, and it's amazing how even though it was a dream, it's still hard for me to think about. It was even harder as tears streamed down my face when I had to tell Brian why I couldn't stop sobbing in the middle of the night.

Back to reality. Monday morning rolled around and I pulled myself out of bed not wanting to go to work. I had a little pity-party in my head about waking up so early, but headed off to work. As we were all chatting about our weekends, little did we know that one of our co-workers had one of the worst weekends ever.

She was about 13 weeks into her pregnancy when she lost her baby and had to share the tragic news with the whole department, over and over again. We felt so helpless as tears rolled down her {normally so positive} face.

Recently my husband and I were blessed with the privilege of becoming Godparents. We were yet again reminded just how precious a baby's physical & spiritual life is.

Life is so precious whether they are weeks old, or not even born yet. I will never be able to take life for granted because you never know how long you will be blessed with it.


strawberries & cream Valentine cupcakes

Our work week around here is crazy. We get up long before the sun peeks out and by the time we get home it's time for supper, a little cleaning and then we relax on the couch with a tv show or 2. Then it's off to bed early since we have to start the day all over again in about 7 hours.

So This year I wasn't able to do any valentine's day cooking/baking till the weekend. That didn't stop my amazing husband though from cooking an amazing romantic supper for us on Valentine's Day. I still melt when I think just how amazing it was.

This morning I woke with a need to do some creative baking. My husband and I love watching cupcake wars, and that is where I got the inspiration for these Strawberries & Cream Valentine cupcakes. So here is what I did this morning:

I combined 2 cups of strawberries + 1/4 cup sugar + 1 tablespoon lemon juice. On to the vanilla cupcakes with red sprinkles inside. After letting them cool, I cut a hole in the tops and added the cooled strawberry compote. 

After letting them cool, I cut a hole in the tops and added the cooled strawberry compote. Now onto the frosting. For those of you who don't have a frosting piping bag, don't fret. I don't have one either and I still made them look somewhat professional. My trick is to transfer the frosting, what ever type you choose {I so happen to like cream cheese frosting the best} into a plastic bag and pop it into the fridge for about 10 minutes. This way it will hold it's form a little better when you pipe it on. I snip a small hole and spiral it on, starting from the outside and working inward.

My husband and I couldn't keep our fingers off of them. We try to stay away from too many sweet treats but around the holidays, that tends to go out the window.

What will I make next? Any cupcake suggestions?

St. Patrick's day is coming up next, and trying a tart lime cream cupcake seems like a great way to kick off spring.


happy happy Heart-Day

What an wonderful Valentine's Day to celebrate. Last year we were newly engaged and this year we are newly married. I'm so excited that I get to show you a few pictures from our wedded day of bliss. What better day to share them then on the Heart-Day.

I am still amazed at how blessed we are as a newlywed couple.

Hope you enjoy them as much as we do.


1 year ago

It's been 1 year. One year since my fiance surprised me under the Golden Gate bridge with an engagement ring and a question to follow. I can remember the numbing feeling wash over me as I stared at the sparkling ring.

It still gives me the chills thinking back to our California vacation. I remember my mind instantly turning into 'wedding mode' as I thought about when we would tie the knot, what our colors would be, who would stand up with us.... I guess others had the similar thoughts because we instantly got showered with questions, and I was all to eager to bounce ideas off of anyone who would listen.

I can never tell my now huband enough how special it was that he asked me to spend the rest of our lives together in such a special place. San Francisco has always been one of my favorite cities, but now I love it as the city where Brian became my fiance.

After we got engaged we celebrated with a trip on the famous cable cars and a visit to the Ghirardelli factory for a ice cream sunday.

This morning Brian ran a few errands including taking my car to get the oil changed, {what a good husband he is} grabbing a few groceries, and he also surprised me with the ingredients for our own Ghirardelli sundays. It felt like our engagement celebration all over again.

If you know my husband well, you know that he is not the best at keeping secrets. He kept this surprise {the presents pictured below} from me for a full 30 minutes before caving in and giving me my valentine's gift early. He truly does spoil me.

It's nights like this where I can't believe just how blessed we are. I sit here in bed with my hubby cuddled up sleeping beside me and I catch myself thinking back to a year ago. We had only been dating for 8 months, and while some may say that's no time at all, we knew where our forever's were going. We knew that our forever's would be with each other.

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